To sum up my upbringing, I've gone through a lot of physical and emotional abuse. I'm not sure what exactly constitutes neglect. I don't really want attention from my family bc I don't feel like I love them much anymore.

I crave hugs and affection from other people. Been going through a rough patch and have pretty much always been alone. Hugs feel really nice but I never do bc either 1- I don't like the people near me or 2-it's awkward (anyway not going to be around other people for another month or so).

At times when you're low, a common recommendation is an emphasis on self-care. And I've seen it work for me. It can feel good. But I don't feel like doing any of it when I feel so deprived of receiving external love.