TW: isolation, loneliness

I managed to escape my house and go very-low-contact with my whole family. I’m currently living at my college’s dorms. But sometimes the intense loneliness and isolation starts getting to my head a bit- particularly with the COVID pandemic going on. I spend most of my day sitting alone in my dorm room. I’m unable to make healthy friendships at this time, and all of my friends are consistently toxic, abusive, or lack empathy. Or just don’t understand what my life is like at all, with all the abuse and trauma. When I feel lonely or sad, there is no one I can call.

I think the intense isolation is getting to my head. No family, no friends, living alone in my tiny claustrophobia inducing dorm room during the pandemic. It makes me desperate for any sort of comfort or human interaction, to a point where I’d even consider reaching out to my family, who can only hurt me. Now there is no one in my life who loves or cares about me at all, or who is consistently available or here for me. I feel like it’s really starting to get to me.

I’m not confident that I’m doing the right thing, or that any of my effort was even worth it. I feel like I’m no better off than I was before I escaped my abusive home. I feel like things are only getting worse.