I’m really, really struggling with the concept that other people are human and they make mistakes. The instant anyone hurts me at all, I feel like I mentally shut down and close off from them forever. I put up so many walls that it’s impossible for them to ever get close to me.

I never forgive, or forget. It’s like I keep a running tally in my head of all the ways people hurt me. And with each tally mark, I unconsciously close myself off from a person more and more. Even if they apologize- even if they change their behavior and actively work on improving- I never trust the person again. Sometimes I just dissociate from them completely, become emotionally distant/ monotone, or I feel complete apathy towards them. Sometimes I even forget everything about them (as my dissociative disorder comes into the mix).

But I’m worried that sometimes I may end up prematurely freezing out people who are actually ok or relatively healthy (although not perfect) friends. I’m a little trigger-happy (pun-intended) when it comes to pushing people away. I think this response probably stems from fear- essentially everyone I’ve ever been even slightly close to (family, friends, etc.) has hurt me.

But my therapist has explained that even a healthy or trustworthy friend will likely make mistakes / display at least one red flag at some point over the course of the relationship, and that it may not be grounds for instant termination of the relationship every time.

How can I distinguish an ok/ healthy person with a red flag/ who has hurt me from an abuser who will hurt me more? I genuinely have no idea. I seem to react to everyone as if they were an abuser.

Is anyone else in a similar position?