It was scary but I did it. It was a homework assignment from my therapy. I wrote down everything I was going to say, including a list of my boundaries and consequences if they where not to be respected (the last one if he doesn’t stop is that I don’t want him in my life at all anymore). I wrote it down so neither him or I can gaslight me later with that I was “unclear” or “he misunderstood what I meant” or “You never said that”. I took it up with my boyfriend and he listened and took it quite well. But then when we hugged afterwards he kinda accidentally (?) hurt my back and I just cried and wanted to rip the pages with my boundaries to pieces and apologies and take everything back... But. I. Didn’t. Today I’m a crying mess, my back still hurts and I’m sad and easily triggered and have no energy at all and just a bit dizzy but I have not backed down. For me that’s a breakthrough, a couple of years ago I would not have been able to do this. I would have crumble when I got hurt after expressing my needs, will or boundaries. And yes I’m sad and in pain right now but I’m also proud of myself. I feel like I can forgive myself now for my behaviour lately, now when I’m not blaming everything that has happened on myself and now when I’m doing this for myself. It’s hard as fuck but it’s self care and self respect and what I want to say I think is that’s it’s possible. And I want to write it down so I don’t forget it later, that I can be strong and that I deserve to have my boundaries respected.