Today, I went to the store and asked an employee where something was. I did nothing wrong. I was polite. She was extremely rude, like I’ve never been treated like that by someone working at a store. I know that today is Black Friday and working in retail is HARD. I know that she’s probably exhausted and that she’s probably been dealing with dicks all day. I don’t know what trauma she might have experienced or what stresses she’s currently dealing with.

In the past, I would have shrunk into a tiny puddle of shame- how dare I inconvenience someone for a second? Especially someone who was probably having a terrible day. How dare I ask for help?

Today, my first reaction was anger.

I didn’t act on my anger at all, but I felt it.

I stood up taller, said “thank you”, and walked away from the interaction with my head up. Not down. I didn’t collapse into a sad self-hugging shuffle like I would have last year.

I am so proud of myself.

My anger is a sign that I’m on my side, that I care about myself and I know I didn’t deserve the way she treated me. I didn’t deserve the decades of abuse either. I didn’t deserve to hate myself because of what my parents did.

I can be strong. I can stand tall. I can conduct myself with dignity and graciousness. Especially when dealing with unearned and unwarranted shit from people.

I finally care about myself enough to see my value as equal to others and to see myself as someone who deserves to be treated with respect.

Thank you so much to anyone who read all this. I wish you well on your healing journey and I hope that you are a friend to yourself during this process.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and the support. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this community. You guys have helped me heal so much, thank you.