Has anyone else had their first sexual experiences robbed by your cptsd responses? Every time my BF would to try to make advances I would freeze and then allow things to happen bc I'd be frozen, unable to move or speak, and also due to constantly being afraid of what would happen if I spoke up or upset him (trained life trauma response established prior to the relationship). We ended up staying together and getting married but I still find myself getting triggered after retraumatizing experiences born out of already existing trauma aftermath. I feel haunted by something that also doesn't feel valid bc of what happened but it all still feels so real. :(

To this day I still struggle with loosening up and not being so overly rigid and self conscious and incontrol always during anything sexual. I still struggle with feeling some sexual aversion and disgust too even though in my past I was never (not that I know of anyways) sexually abused (other than small events). I sometimes wonder if I was sexually abused or bc of this response but maybe its just due to other traumas. I guess I will never know.

Has anyone had this happen?