So take this with a big pinch of salt as I have not yet gotten the balls to talk to a profesional but here it goes. Decided to add the tag to be sure but I'm not really going into any actual trauma. Not looking for a diagnosis but more of a different viewpoint or something along those lines.

I would like to start this off saying that my parents did try, and I'm grateful for that. I know not everyone is that lucky. They always urged me to talk to them and said that I could tell them everything. I had shit in other parts of my life but it was not with my parents. Despite this I never felt comfortable talking to them. From a young age I would lie because I thought they would get mad. I would actively avoid talking and even when I was directly confronted about a deathwish I made in class I said it was nothing and just something in the moment.

I seem to have tried my hardest to not get their emotional support and I don't know why. I just felt like a burden. There might be things from my early youth but I don't have any memories of the time.