TW for mention of childhood abuse, emotional/sexual abuse, domestic violence

Me and my partner are both pretty fucked up. They grew up very poor with a physically abusive stepdad. I grew up with well meaning but ignorant parents who didn't know how to raise a sensitive kid, a kid with ADHD, or a kid with buried trauma from a very young age. Both of us have been in domestic violence situations (their stepdad, my ex boyfriend), they have very unmedicated depression, and I have very "fun" BPD.

Yesterday a small but heated discussion turned into my partner flying off the handle and saying some really REALLY hurtful things. "I hate you", "Selfish", "horrible person", etc. TLDR things got taken care of. But I was still really hurt today and ended up crying and ranting at them about how I feel like my whole life is people finding excuses and justifications to hurt me because of my mental illnesses.

They stayed totally calm (not very much like them!) and told me, basically, how unfair it is that people won't understand my trauma, and how hard I've been working in this relationship to overcome it anyways and be a good boyfriend, and how they realize now that it's THEM who isn't stepping up, and how sorry they are that they make me feel the way the rest of my life has made me feel.

I love my partner to death but previously, if I was upset like this towards them, it ended poorly. They struggle immensely with perceived aggression. But I guess after their therapy session yesterday... I bawled my eyes out. They're usually so bad about putting into words the things I want to hear, basically. And I heard it. And we hugged and cried and I felt listened to and loved and cared about. And for me, that's so hard. While I ranted I told them how growing up, when me and my mom would be yelling at each other and I would break down into tears, she would call me manipulative. I feel like my whole life has been people refusing to take my emotions seriously.. and for once I actually feel like somebody is.

We're struggling but we're growing and it feels really hopeful.