Trigger Warning: child abuse

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I have recently discovered the terminology C-PTSD and I'm realizing that it may describe my own personal struggles. I have been struggling a lot lately with panic attacks and night terrors. Which sounds so weird coming from a 22 year old married woman but it's been really bad.

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My mother was ok for a very long time after I came home from foster care but more recently she has become so erratic and unpredictable that it's bringing up a lot of repressed memories. A lot of which that has to do with the neglect I faced as a young child while she was running around finding the next man to support her. Recently, she decided to move out of state to be with a man she's only known for a few months while leaving her husband at home. Her husband who is developmentally delayed. My sibling and I are both adults but my sibling still lives in the same apartment. My mother left over 1500 dollars in overdue bills for my sibling and step father to figure out on a very limited budget.

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My husband posted a comment on facebook after my aunt attacked my sister and I for confronting my mother's bad behavior basically saying that we don't want her to be happy. He outlined a lot of the hell I went through as a child from his perspective and how it's effected my day to day life. Seeing how someone else views my childhood and abuse is so eye-opening. But at the same time all of these things culminated in me realizing that I wasn't even good enough for my own mother to love me unconditionally, at least that's the thought in my head. And realizing just how little I meant to her and how I spent my entire childhood trying to prove that I was good enough for her attention and good enough for her to just give a shit about has caused me so much anxiety. I've had full blown panic attacks that lead to me sitting in a closet clawing my skin off and waking up screaming in the middle of the night.

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I don't know what the point is in this post, someone who can relate maybe? Knowing I'm not crazy? Just a vent?