Hello, I'm quite new to this sub. Been on reddit for a while but just started venturing into the support pages and mental health side of it. A bit of background : I have complex PTSD as well as anxiety, depression, BPD, ADHD and OCD. I've been doing my personal work and counselling/psychiatric work for the past 8 years on and off. Although I haven't quite figured it out, I believe that a majority of my cptsd comes from my childhood traumas as well as my abusive later teenage relationships and friendships until about 2 years ago. Since then, I've managed to have a very healthy and love filled relationship with my partner, B. I've been able to identify the toxic and unhealthy traits of myself, my relationships, and who I choose to surround myself with. I attend biweekly counselling and monthly therapy appointments which help me maintain a healthy lifestyle and mind and am medicated for my depression/anxiety, and ADHD. My counselling appointment for this week was cancelled which is why I believe myself to be finding this sub. For support, to vent, for understanding. I've been noticing quite frequently that my trust in myself and others is severely limited and therefor I am confused. I've been with my partner for almost a year and a half which has been my longest and healthiest relationship of my life leaving me greatful and exponentially happy. Still, I am finding difficulty in assuring myself that the truth and only the truth is present when it comes to the words he speaks. I whole heartedly believe that he is telling the truth. No doubt about it. There is no doubt in my mind at all about his honesty, authenticity, or integrity whatsoever. More, what I tend to struggle with, is the trust in myself of my judgement of others. I find myself viewing myself in the past as too trusting or vulnerable resulting in my abuse or being taken advantage of. This is where I fear going wrong again. Is this my inability to trust or to fully love and believe? TL;DR: I am confused about my inability to trust and how it continues to affect my beautiful relationship with a pure and loving human as well as myself