I've hit a setback. 7 months into therapy, I'm well aware of the CPTSD I have from my emotionally abusive mother.

Traits/fleas of hers I picked up;

• Never being sorry for anything
• Never thinking I was in the wrong in any circumstance
• Not seeing all possible sides to a story
• Personalising everything

It's been a long journey of learning how to counteract this behaviour.

Oddly now it seems, I'm taking it too far with apologising. I'm being overly cautious with people in my life. Saying sorry to everything I say that I dwell on and convince myself it might've offended them somehow.

I'm so careful to avoid potential drama and arguments. Being overly apologetic to everyone in case I made them think I was angry with them or being rude and obnoxious is my way of staying safe.

Thanks to the emotional abuse of not being allowed to have a different opinion to my mother growing up, I'm still not confident in expressing my opinion. Always terrified of the consequences. It's important to note that some of the people in my life have acted passive aggressively towards me in the past and continue to do so with other family members etc. This is triggering my childhood emotional abuse.

My therapist thinks the past hurt is coming back in relation to that person. She thinks I'm almost creating a reason for people to be questioning me when there wasn't a problem to begin with.

I'm overthinking it all again. As soon as I start to use my voice, try and be confident, I smash myself down with worry and concern. I'm sick of feeling like this.

Thanks for reading.