i only got officially diagnosed in like april. ptsd was not something i thought i had, and cptsd has just made things complicated.

i didn’t actually accept the diagnoses and start thinking abt what that meant for me until about september.

since september it’s like things have gotten worse. it’s like accepting the diagnoses opened pandora’s box of shitty feelings.

the only way to explain it is like when you have the TV on while doing chores. you’re not really paying attention but you notice it. and it’s like the TV in the back of my mind is constantly replaying the worst moments of my life and no matter what i do it’s just always on repeat. are these flashbacks? idek and i don’t have a therapist anymore. i feel like i can’t ever do anything anymore. there’s always this terrible queue of terrible memories and i just feel like i can’t focus or do anything.

what am i supposed to do? how do i make it stop? i’m 21, 22 in like 2 weeks, and i’m about to graduate university. i feel so stuck and behind all my peers. i hate this.