Nsfw content.

Also long.

. I made a post on an nsfw sub reddit. I'm Poly, ethically non monogamous. This really lovely women messages me. We get to chatting on fetlife and over another messenger service. We develop what I thought was a lovely dynamic. I develop feelings but I try to keep it on a friendship/play level. That said, meeting new people is so hard for me. I like being non monogamous. But I'm literally on disability for aniexty. this person and I hit it off. We have similar values. Similar age, life experience. Two/ three weeks we talk every day. She's telling me about play partners she's seeing . I get a smidge jealous, but I'm happy for her. As I said I'm used to being abandoned so I'm struggling with opening myself up. She gets sick. She starts messaging and chatting less. I totally get and respect that. I also thought as part of the dynamic we established checking in on her and still chatting when she could was fine. Then I get a gem of a message this morning. " Good morning. I feel like you are using me as a distraction for your loneliness. Im having to take a step back from our relationship. I'm to sick to establish healthy boundaries" That is my paraphrasing what she said. As you can imagine at 6am this went over well. I just replied ok thanks. I had no idea what to say. An hour later I just sent please don't contact me again. I guess I'm trying to see it from her pov so I don't do this again Im sure I over stepped boundaries with out meaning to. I wasnt trying to, but I did. For that I'm deeply sorry. That said. I didn't think I was being over bearing. It wasn't my intention to be. Also I thought she was special and would have been a lovely part of my life. I always been honest about what I suffer from. .who iam . What I want. With her illness I thought I was being supportive. What she said blindsided me. Like, I'm trying everyday to heal. I didn't consider her a distraction I considered bringing people into my life a net positive. If she didn't want me to message her this weekend just say so. Like I'm sure Im probably a bit much and I thought I was better then I'm I guess. Idk how to phrase it. What she said hurt and I just decided to end it their. Part of me regrets it, but I figured for everyone's sakes call it good and leave it at that.