I can't believe it has taken me 42 years and a recent cptsd diagnosis to truly understand who I am. A coherent concept of self materialized on Oct 23rd and all my behaviours, choices and relationships make complete sense to me now. Ever since that day I have an exhaustion that goes deep into my bones and hangs out behind my eyes. I have a constant body buzz like I exercised too much. Sometimes I can fall asleep instantly, even when sitting or reading. Sometimes huge tears fall at a single thought, other times I seem to be able to carry the weight. I have never felt a tired like this before. The words exhaustion and fatigue don't even really cut it. It is like the weight of my entire life sits on my chest but also lifts me up if I am able to accept it