I was young in elementary school somehow I know about boobs and shit. I drew also dicks on stick figures. I acted out by being violent and threatening to cut people up. I was a very bad kid growing up pulling fire alarms. In middle school I did cocsa against my sister (younger than me) and cousin (same age). 12-14 age range. I hate myself for it. I feel dirty because of it. I'm always horny even if I'm not erect. I'm always in a sexual mood. I don't want to be. I'm easily irritated and I flip off at my dad and parents. I stay in my room most of the time. They always want something from me. I feel so damn used. I feel tired and used. I don't feel loved and I can't love myself. I feel like a monster for what I did growing up (monstrous acts yes.) I admitted my guilt and I want to move forward in my life but I can't. I can't stop bringing up the past. I feel so broken so stretched. You know how stretch arm strong is when you pull the legs and arms? I feel that way. I feel like I'm constantly being pulled in different directions and I hate it. I just want to be loved. I want to be loved so damn bad. Why can't I feel worthy of love?! I want to love someone and truly love them. I hate when people sit next to me so I make up an excuse to get up and walk away. I feel deeply uncomfortable around my step mother and I don't know why. I feel irritated around my dad sometimes. I feel always on edge. Like I'm easily pissed off. I hate it I hate it I hate it.