My mom used to never let me do anything besides ROTC in school. I never was allowed to have other friends over (house was a clutter so I can understand that ig) I really wasn't allowed to have friends from school and barely any contact from church. She would always make us leave from church when I wanted to socialize. She was so damn controlling and yelled at me alot. Making me so multiple things at once and I did as best as I could. Things I did as a kid to other kids I didn't know was bad. My whole life is a mess. I wished I could just unlock my abusive memories and let them make me insane. My emotions are all over the place. My anxiety and depression doesn't help. My mind brings up shit I have done in the past (bad stuff really bad stuff.) and I go into a psychosis like state and I want to shrivel up and die.