I have the last few months maybe few weeks idk. I deeply look into myself and I'm still looking into myself. Wondering why I acted out this way abusing others. Threatening to kill people in my elementary because of the voices in my head. I imagined how I would do it. No I don't think that anymore. I don't want to be no leader because of the abuse I did. I'm not worthy of leading. I will help in whatever capacity in the back ground away from everyone where I don't feel crowded or at the risk of hurting someone. That's a boundary im setting for myself. I will support everyone either encouraging them or helping them by non contact help. I remembered drawing a dongle on a man stick figure at age 5 or 4. And women's breasts (sorry for being offensive.). I don't think these memories matter in whatever way but still I'm trying to figure out how abused I was. If i was abused in every way or one way. That's why I'm keeping alot of my shit to myself. One not to hurt anyone and two until I know better what my issues are I will keep researching and reaching out when I need a lending hand.