Thanks, doc. I'm fuckin' cured.

She used the analogy of driving a car and leaving it all behind in the rear view mirror. That was her big advice. Just don't think about it anymore and move on.

Honestly, I'd love to be able to take that advice. I wish it were that easy. I wish my brain function wasn't permanently altered due to abuse. I wish I didn't have inescapable intrusive thoughts that remind me every hour of how fundamentally broken I am. I wish I could just go out, relate to others, and leave all the negativity in the past.

In retrospect, it was my fault for seeing a therapist who isn't specialized in trauma or victims of child abuse. It's so frustrating when you're willing to do the personal work that therapy requires, but you're just not getting helpful advice.

Welp. Back to not doing therapy until things get so bad that I book a 3AM appointment through tears and sobs.