I (23F) was stood up for PRIDE nyc 2024 by my two only friends (both 23F) and my only sister (29F) that I still talk to.

For context, I had come out of the closet to my family, 4 some years ago, got abused, kicked out, endured homelessness, SA… etc

I’m finally on my feet again and I just wanted to feel like being gay was something to be happy and proud about instead of feeling like it ruined my life. They know that. They’ve been (around, not really “here”) all these years. But are knowledgeable of them. They know how much it meant to me. I spent the entire night before making matching gifts and thank you notes for them coming to support me, bc I was just overwhelmed with joy that even for a day, just one day I could feel like a part of the majority and be welcomed like it.

Woke up the next day an all of a sudden the whole group chat that planned the day with me, couldn’t come. One friend was suddenly ‘sick’, one loaned her loyalties to some boy she just started dating, and My sister did the same thing flake shit the week before and the year before (in regard to pride). And the ‘sick’ one of my friends goes to pride with her boyfriend every year… but coincidentally this is the year his job doesn’t make them go…so ofc having me be the reason to go isn’t important enough to show up.

So ofc I’m heartbroken. But then my sister and one friend (the new boyfriend one) are like well maybe we can find something else. And they force me to agree to a rain check for a queer event later in the day. So being the furthest from the city I get ready and travel for 3.5 hours to get there. And when I’m boarding the queer cruise party boat, I get texts from both of them saying they can’t make it bc of the rain. It drizzled. I made it. There were 6 hours before the event they could’ve told me they couldn’t make it but waiting until the minute it started. I asked everyone to promise me they wouldn’t cancel again if I came to this second event and then they did. Am I the asshole for not wanting to consistently volunteer my heart to get stomped on???

They keep asking to make it up but did I not already give them a chance to? and how do u make up my first pride… it happened. I showed up, there’s no making it up you missed it. Am I bugging? No one tried. No one cares, and yet I’m forced to be the all forgiving idiot everyone can have around when they need them. This was an extremely vulnerable moment in my life and they failed me. Nothing can make it up. It’ll never be my first pride again and you’ll never really have respect for what I’ve been through, and who I am, if u could do something like that.

I don’t want any apologies, I don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to make it up. I just don’t. Does that mean they’re out of my life? Cuz I don’t see this changing. The whole string of events on everyone’s part was incredibly selfish and cruel and I just would rather us not speak again. I physically don’t have anything to say to people who would do that to me.

I think it’s just time for me to make real friends. Or relish in not having any. Because I can’t deal with this. Literally nothing will fix it