I've been 6 years no contact with abusers and have been in a healthy, supportive relationship for nearly 5 years.

I lived in terrorizing hell thinking I was going to die for the first 19 years of my life - family beat me all the time, psychological torture, financial abuse, verbal abuse. Many times I genuinely feared for my life. My father is a gross sexual pervert. At school, I endured sexual harassment and extreme racism. I left as soon as I could. My life didn't stabilize until I was about 22.

But even if all that has been behind me for years - I have a partner and a job and a supportive community - the absolute fear and terror that I've felt growing up has never left me. I wake up stressed and afraid and feel like this until I fall asleep at night. I can't stop being terrified. I'm in therapy and on meds, but I still am so terrified.

This is seriously messing up my life. I often can't leave the house because I'm so scared. I can't work often because I feel like my work will attack me. I feel like everything everywhere is going to attack me.