While not a specificly new experience, I find myself growing ever tired of not being able to stop them. Mine aren't the worst anymore... I don't give myself rug burn from ripping my clothes off in my sleep anymore or wake up in a panic. But.... I also really don't want to go to sleep tonight.

My father wasn't the worst... To me... But as a person he was the brand that enjoys violence which I knew from a young age. We don't need to get into those details. You get it. I get it. Anyway. He died 6 years ago.

Over the last year I've had a dream that has this reoccurring theme. My father has some secret buried in concrete (sometimes with a door, sometimes with out... But usually just a slab of concrete with a fence down the middle) and I can't get whatever it is out. In my dreams I've tried everything, anything, nothing but to no avail. And I have no memory of this place irl.

I've asked myself if there really is something subconsciously buried and I have no idea. None. Like... Probably but what it is.... No idea.

I've also asked myself if there is nothing there and this is his last trick cause he's dead and I can't ask him about his secrets anymore. And maybe that's it. He was big on keeping me afraid of him. Using fear as a weapon. And if I opened it up and out came a butterfly I think I would be relieved. But it feels like the opposite is there.

And I KNOW it's crazy to have an anxiety filled dream about a nondescript slab of concrete. It's the weirdest feeling. If I was being chased the anxiety would make more sense but nope just chilling next to it.

Anyway I hope you are getting good sleep. If you also have weird dreams that freak you out for no reason... Maybe you fear chairs or wind chimes.... Share please cause tonight I'm going crazy.