I was with my boyfriend watching a medieval setting movie. There were 2 scenes that made me actually sick:

The first was a short scene where a man and a prostitute were having sex. And a later scene where a woman in labor had to get cut open in order have her child survive, it was very graphic. Tears were silently rolling down my face through all of this, until my bf noticed and asked if I was ok.

I'm a women, and I've had sex before, so I dont know why this hit me so hard. I grew up heavily religious (mormon) and my abusive mom was VERY strict about how to dress and act. She would tell me that a womans only role is to be a baby making sex machine for men. Like quite literally that's the type of stuff she would tell me.

I'm scared of men. I was raised to think men only think with their dick and it's your fault if they fuck you. I was raised to believe my job as a women is to please my husband sexually, and if I don't he'll abandon me or fuck someone else.

And to be honest, I feel like all that stuff about men is true for like 90% of men, does that make me sexist?

Anyway, so I think when this type of thing is shown on screen, it hits a sensitive spot from my past. I dont know how to fix it. My bf is such a sweet heart and I usually enjoy sex, but right now I feel disgusted with it, repulsed. It makes me want to throw up.

Usually I'm hyper sexual (which may also be from being taught to be that way or else you husband will leave) but after seeing those types of things it makes me disgusted by it. Disgusted with men. And I feel like there's a blockade in my brain that wont let me stop thinking about all of this.

TLDR: I watched a show with a little sex and gruesome labor and I started uncontrollably sobbing. I have religious trauma and sexual trauma so I think that's why it was so hard for me to watch. I feel repulsed by sex, even though typically I consider myself to have a high sex drive.

How can I change this so i can enjoy a good tv show and more fully enjoy sex? Anyone else experience this? I'm looking into going back to therapy.