Maybe this could be what is called reparenting the inner child? I don't know.

I was recently on a short vacation with my cousin and she told me about how she meditates to "talk to the child version of herself", and I tried it just now. And I guess no one really cares about the details of my thoughts but I'll write it down anyway because it felt like a win to me.

I walked down the path the taught me in my mind and then found six year old me, being the "table" as a group of kids roleplayed a family (because the staff wouldn't let them completely exclude me). I took the hand of little me and led me away from there, replacing my little body with a chair. We sat down and I asked her if she wanted to play and she said yes. I used to love Lego but only ever did that alone of course, so in this scenario, me and little me built Lego together. Then I picked her up to sit on my lap and we read a book together until she started to get tired.

I hugged her like I was probably never hugged (at least not after infancy, she was a good mother when I was very little I think) and helped her to her bed and sat quietly with her as she fell asleep. Then I left her in peace, with no one yelling and hitting her as she tried to sleep, quietly closed the door and walked the paths upwards, back to the waking world.

I recently sort of lost my son because his abusive father made him completely reject me so this felt very good both from the perspective of seeing what little me would have needed and should have had and imagining her getting that, and from the perspective of having a child to care for and love.

I'm quite happy and content now. I'll definitely do this again, with other memories.