Hi everyone,

I decided to go back to my parents’ house for the holidays. Boy was it a mistake.

I tried to explain my CPTSD to them. That was another mistake.

All I hoped for was some accountability, a heartfelt apology and understanding of what I went through and their role in it. In my childhood they had strangled my emotions out of me, praising me when I was emotionless and “stable” while refusing to talk to me when I got teary. They refused to acknowledge this. Instead, they told me that I should try and see it from their perspective.

I told them I didn’t blame them, that I know they didn’t mean anything bad, even apologized to them for making it seem like I was blaming them. None of this fawning garnered an apology out of them. I didn’t receive any recognition for what I went through.

Now I’m laying in my room, absolutely terrified and frozen with anxiety that lies heavy in my stomach. I barely slept last night, fighting off the panic with stretching and breathing exercises. I don’t know how I will survive the next 15 days or so. It was a mistake to come here.

Update: I’m going to be spending a couple days at a friend’s house. My parents finally left the house for work, so I can breathe a little easier for a few hours by myself. I appreciate all the kind comments and support. I feel like I nearly had a panic attack, but I’m getting through it. Gonna take it one moment at a time.

Update 2: I am safely at my friend’s house. I had the most restful sleep last night that I’ve had in a long time. No nightmares, just pure blank sleep for like almost 12hrs. We are going hiking today! I’m so grateful to have such a supportive and understanding friend. 🥺