why are they so strong and overbearing. why do they overpower all of my therapy and research and self love. why do i have to repeat all of the generational abuse that was done to me. why is healing so HARD… this is so fucking exhausting

maladaptive daydreamer, toxic shame dominating my every action, depressive episodes, constant anxiety, learned helplessness out the ass, dopamine/stimulation fiend, drug addiction, CPTSD mimicking my dad’s narcissistic traits, like what the fuckkkskhdudheishslsjs i just want to love and be loved and take care of myself and smile and laugh with my family and go to therapy and know how to be a functioning human being. i will forever hate the man that did this to me, fuck you for ruining my brain and for creating such an unhealthy household now im left to pick up the pieces all by myself while trying my hardest not to collapse at the sight of my and my family’s self-inflicted destruction. fuck you dad