TW for violence

I’m just kind of depressed about the day I had at work today and am hoping to vent a little. I’m a teacher at a summer camp, and today one of my students stabbed another student with a pencil several times in the arm. The student who stabbed someone seemed to have a sudden episode of blackout rage after feeling emotionally overwhelmed. She seemed remorseful after and mentioned that she often can’t seem to control her emotions. To me it seemed like a possible trauma response or ptsd fight response. This same aggressive student also broke her glasses today and was sobbing for a long time, terrified of her ( abusive) guardian’s reaction. She mentioned that her grandma slaps her hard when she gets angry. This disclosure led me and my co teacher to have to report this info to our boss, who is going to report child abuse to CPS for us.

As a teacher with cptsd, dpdr, and DID, I am just devastated. I feel sorry for both the student who was injured (who thankfully seems to be feeling alright, besides the marks on her arm) and the student who was aggressive. It just feels like such a lose lose situation. My boss is not allowing the violent student to return to camp. Which makes sense safety wise, but I also feel sick at the thought of her having to spend more time in an abusive home without being able to escape to our summer camp.

As a victim of a shit ton of abuse, I also know how useless CPS can be, and am terrified that they will just make her situation worse, and her grandma will just beat her more. CPS was called to my house, didn’t help me at all, just made things worse. Fucking incompetent idiots. It’s laughable how useless they are. I literally have never met a single person in my life who actually had CPS help them and not make things worse.

This was literally my second week of teaching. And all this shit happened on the first day of the freaking week. Wtf. Maybe I’m not cut out for a job like this because honestly, this shit hurts me so much more than my privileged co teacher. My coteacher was saying dumbass shit to the poor kid like “don’t worry I’m sure your grandma loves you sweetie!! She won’t be upset!!!” And I was just like, dude… read the damn room.

(Sort of a tangent, and I am very ashamed to admit this- but I also was so badly triggered by the mandatory reporter training for my job that I still haven’t freaking finished it. I am literally going to be in so much trouble if I don’t finish that training soon, it’s legally required for all teachers in my state, it’s already very overdue. but that shit was extremely triggering for me as ive experienced so many forms of abuse that I am struggling so bad to finish it.)

Ugh. I could really use a hug or some comfort rn. Today was a shit sandwich and I hate dealing with this shit alone. Please be kind and gentle in your replies, I’m super angry rn, just pissed off and hurting, I feel sick inside.