I just found out from my grandma that my great grandma isn’t going to make it. She’s been in an out of the hospital a few times and she texted me recently last week that she was in the hospital again I was afraid to call because I didn’t know what was happening and I just wanted to ignore it. She wanted to see me more and I haven’t been going because I don’t want to be around my grandma my abusive and sexually abusive father told me a little about her and I believe it.

I’ve seen things from her I don’t like and other family members back it up but anyways my father sexually abused his sisters and they told my grandmother she believed them from what I understand but she didn’t do anything about it. Since I found that out I’ve blamed her just as much as my own father and really have tried cutting out my dad’s side because there’s to much memories but I can’t just leave my 3 brothers and stepmother behind. I feel like I may have disappointed my grandmother by not going to see her more.

I guess things are difficult when cutting people out of your life you want to make sure you never speak to them again and that means not talking to other specific people and I regret it so much. I want to die I want to go with her I have to believe she’s still here I have to.