I told him I was triggered by that and he immediately got defensive. I was able to step outside, acknowledge that it was a trigger and reparent myself through the feelings, afterwards I come out of it proud of my growth.

Before that though I reacted and told him that him treating me that way after expressing a trigger made me feel unsafe to do so in the future. He apologized shortly after for triggering me and told him there was no need to apologize, that what he said was harmless and we sometimes say silly thing to one another, but I was trying to put my fussy toddler to bed after cleaning the several gallons of urine that my anxiety ridden dog decided to cover over our entire downstairs entryway and up the stairwell. Emotional regulation was almost impossible, I say ALMOST, because I did it!!

But when I tried to share how I overcame the trigger, he seemed uninterested. I decided to talk to him about it using our therapy homework and “I” statements saying that “I feel alone when I tell you something triggers me you don’t show me that you want to try to understand why it was triggering in relation to my trauma.”

More defensive behavior and no acknowledgement of my success in overcoming the trigger, he instead verbally attacked me saying something along the lines of “How am I supposed to know what triggers you?” and following it up with a defensive “There’s ALWAYS a trigger.”

I’m dumbfounded. I feel lost and alone, and betrayed by the man who knows I was sexually abused as a child, when I was almost the same age as our daughter. I know he has his own triggers and trauma but seems to be so triggered by my trauma responses when he’s responsible. I’m using all of my tools, but often I feel like I’m in a relationship where I’m the only one putting in the work.

He obviously apologized immediately after as it was apparent that I was highly upset, but if this cycle continues, I’ll have no choice but to call it quits so that can heal in a safe space.

I really just wanted to get this off my chest in a safe space where others understand what I’m going through.