TW. Sexual trauma and coercion

I have realised I had been sexually coerced in the past from a friend. While he didnt forced himself on me he did push the lines. He made it seem like it was a spiritual sexy thing (and yes I did want to be active there were thing I did not want to do. I said Nonononono he says yeyesyeysyesyes.

This happened years ago and I didtnt realise how wrong it was

I used to use casual sex a lot to cope with mental health and stress, now because I realsied my trauma, I have now grown intimacy issues. The idea of being touched by another man (and I'm a gay person) makes me flinch and feel intense fear I want to heal. I want to stop feeling scared with intimacy and be Intimate, not be sexual to cope but to love and be loved

I am not broken I'm just misguided

I just need to find ways to heal