Trigger warnings for talk of emotional abuse.

Hi. I’m 40, grew up in Iowa but live in the texas panhandle because I met my wife in 2005. Good ole yahoo chat lol.

She has a daughter, now my step daughter. We do have a son together as well.

One of the first things I encountered was just how controlling and emotionally abusive her family was. It was like we had to walk on eggshells so as to not offend her Mom and grandma. We get along fine these days but I don’t think my wife can ever fully recover from the abuse she suffered. Her mother died in 2020.

One other person is my daughter's paternal grandmother. Her bio dads mother. Wonderful person, but also extremely overbearing. To the point right now today we are not speaking.

We found out my kids have severe food allergies. My son is younger, 14 and just eats his diet. He was raised that way, and has never had an issue with being on a diet. My daughter on the other hand struggles with it. She is older by 7 years. The granny who is the paternal grandma has been a great help in a lot of ways

She helped my kids with their alligers. My in-laws on the other hand would routinely feed my kids food they could not have in order to prove these allergies are not an issue at all.

So naturally shouting matches, and more anxiety in the last 10 years have happened over that.

Then my wife asked my mother to get a loan putting us 10,000 dollars in debt. That plus the additional 5000 she already had. It took years but we got those paid off.

That said, I've never really gotten over it. Throw in the constant fighting with the in-laws.

Then the granny became a third parent. This is the paternal grandmother. She regularly punishes the kids and then expects us to go along with it. If my wife and I disagree, we are not being “constantant”.

Last night I just lost it. I have been driving various family members around for three months now. Because no one has a good working vehicle. I get it. People have issues. Jobs suck. Times are tough. Granny the paternal one is one of them. Her health isn’t good. On the other hand, it’s been three months. It was late, she had a meeting to go to, but was over helping my son with frosting his treats for school for vday. Like i can’t say that’s bad, but it's late, I did not want her to come over again after the stupid meeting. I feel like after 8 or 9 that's time to relax. Watch tv. Put the boy to bed because he has school tomorrow. I also said hey my wife can do it, her response I dont know if she knows how.

She also yelled at my daughter about something, that I could agree with, but then took away her MP3 player, even for a day. Like my daughter is 5, she’s 19 working at wendys. After that I lost it. Go home. Stop yelling at the kids. On and on. I get it one the hand she helps a lot, but on the other it feels like it’s two much. As my friend who told me to post this said, she’s like a third parent.

I will admit my favorite thing in the world is being left alone. That’s me. It’s hard for me to be patient with other people. That said, I feel like no matter what I do, what I'm doing is wrong. Any of these issues I try to see the other person’s side. On the other hand I feel twisted in knots because I don’t know how to handle everyone. My wife is trying to heal, both the kids are special needs, and the granny means well. She tries, but it's like it’s too much. I”m the one that stays at home. I’m the one feeding, cooking, raising, making sure they get to bed, to work, to school everyday. I take care of them. Yet if I feel like hey, maybe it’s ok to be more lenient, or stricter or anything I'm doing it wrong. I have 5 or 6 people that instantly judge me, or never leave, or well what you should have done is. I’m fucking tired of it.

I”m the one that has to be the bridge between everyone that is mad and drama and all that.

I feel like a doormat. I’m tired. I’m trying to improve who i’am everyday, but it’s almost like I'm surrounded by energy vampires lol.

I know this is long, but my friend asked me to join this community, and any advice you folks have for my situation would be appreciated.

Thanks