For over 15 years now, I have experienced a recurring dream that awakens me, and usually for a couple of days afterwards consumes my thoughts The dream involves a chance encounter with a complete stranger, in a city I am visiting. While I could recount the dream in explicit detail, it follows a general unfolding of being drawn to this stranger, who has a dark vibe to her perhaps even a look others find intimidating. We barely speak, but I am compelled to follow her to an address she left behind for me. I have great trepidation about opening the door to her place down a stone stairwell, but I am almost incapable of stopping myself.

The room is very dimly lit and I can just make her out sitting in the corner - the only words she speaks from the shadows is “I knew”. What follows is a fast series of vignettes of psycho-sexual torment, violence and physical restraint with ritual overtones. I am overwhelmed with fear, and the feeling of being in way over my head, but I cannot bring myself to try to escape - because her dark intensity strikes at the core of my sexual being. There is always blood, usually a lot of it, which holds this cathartic symbolism as well as a burning desire for the reality, and this indescribable nexus of uncertainty of my survival, surrender and intense arousal from the fear, the psychological torment and the physical violence she inflicts. And yet I feel this sexual oneness with this evil stranger who holds my sanity in her mind.

I always awaken with my heart racing, and incredibly turned on. And I have had this dream well over 100 times.

Since there is only one first scene with someone, I feel like I need to experience a truly dangerous and inherently risky (for me) scene. I want to experience the following:

Psychological:

I want to FEEL like I am over my head
I want to FEEL fear - the fear of not knowing what you are capable of
I want to FEEL your dark intensity through your eyes and body language, with few words spoken
I want to FEEL like you harbor deep-seated sadistic and predatory desires
I want to FEEL unsafe (very central)
I want to question my decision to engage with you, that I may have misjudged your intentions, your stability or control over your own dark desires
I want to FEEL like the victim of a sordid and twisted ritual
I want to be manipulated by psycho-sexual torture that suspends rationality in order to surrender to your desires
I want my fear to feed you, for you to experience synergy with what that brings
I want to silently plead and hope for your reassurance, only to have it denied
I want to leave with the feeling that if I choose to ever return, I am surrendering to the control of your darkest impulses, reduced to being your prey, and unable to un-live it - assuming I survive the experience

Physical:

I want you to hurt me
I want you to restrain and control my body
Physical manifestations of sadistic acts are welcome (lasting marks and more)
Choking/breath control/face slapping are welcome
Needles do not have an erotic association for me - blades very much do! Blood play is on the table
My genitals are a pleasure zone only - useful for psychological manipulation - the reason being for some reason CBT type things feel so much like a scene and take my head out of the ritual head space
The rest of my body is your canvas
Defilement in any form is welcome

NOTE: As per the rules, I state that this is 100% consensual and I will adhere to safety guidelines. I am also NOT looking for online only.