I understand that this post might come off as a bit weird, so I will try my best to give you some background information so that you can better understand where I am coming from. I am agnostic but I always strongly associated with Buddhist teachings because I believe in many things that it speaks about: reincarnation, for one, because nothing can be "destroyed into nothingness nor created out of nowhere". The universe is cyclical. On top of that, I strongly associate with the concepts of Nirvana and Enlightenment, but I approach them secularly, which is where this topic comes from.

Enlightenment is viewed as "being at peace with oneself", being whole, whereas Nirvana is viewed as the "heaven", the state of bliss that you achieve by becoming one with yourself and the universe, thus removing the "suffering that stems from negative feelings and physical vices". I am summarizing here but I believe I am generally right - regardless, this is where I am starting to have slight issues. Negative emotions, such as anger, jealous, greed and so on, are inherent to us, are they not? Buddha, if he was a man, had to feel them to, right? So, why work on "getting rid of those feelings" rather than embracing them? Embracing them does not mean acting upon them, but accepting them as a part of yourself, the good and the bad, bringing balance to them - is this not what enlightenment should be?

Following that, Buddhism in general teaches that "life is suffering", and I agree here, but that is the issue - suffering is good. You need to suffer to be happy in equal amounts, life can't be just bad or good - so, to what end do we need to eliminate poison within us if to be poisoned is to be alive? That is why I believe that Nirvana, secularly, can be viewed as a state of being at peace with oneself, being aware and accepting of your vices but, because you are accepting of them, you are able to act above them through your wisdom and compassion.

To me, Buddism, on a personal level has to be about meditation, as in, facing your own demons and accepting them as a part of yourself - that there are gods and devils within you, and only by building the bridge between two can you ever attain true wholeness with oneself and universe.

But this is roughly where I am - as I said, I had a very difficult journey with my spiritual beliefs, and currently landed somewhere in the "agnostic Buddhist satanist" area, which is why I wanted to make this post to see what people would think about it. Part of what gave me courage is seeing that secular Buddhism is a fairly decent movement and there is a room for interpretation of Buddhism in an agnostic way (emphasis on agnostic, not atheist) which is what got me thinking.