First let me say, I’ve received nothing but kindness in this sub when I post pictures of my altar or talk about holidays or Uposatha, so I feel comfortable to finally give a bit of my story and why I feel like the crossroads present in the title is a stopping from enlightenment in this lifetime.

I’m 26 today, clean 2 years and some today. I found Buddhism years ago, when I was 16, fell for it, but never committed to any practice. Once I finally got into a methadone program and maintained long-time sobriety—methadone is a medication used to assist in staying off heroin/fentanyl—I began a daily meditation, ritual, etc. and developed my practice. Yet, I am still currently in this program, sober, but in recovery.

Furthermore, as a result of trauma experienced from peers when I was 10-12, I developed an anxiety disorder that lasts ‘til this day that is medicated, as needed, with a low-dose of (narcotic) anxiety medication and an antidepressant.

While I’m aware the Vinaya allows for medications, I cannot imagine any teacher taking me on and saying it’s acceptable for me to try and manage my anxiety with narcotics, even if they are prescriptions. I myself find that while they help me live my daily life, they do not always help my meditation practice. Even if they did, I feel like with these medications I will never be allowed into the sangha in the way I desire.

What do you guys think? Problem or not?