One of my biggest problems is aversion.

For me, aversion feels like a mild form of disgust and some low-key anger. Maybe akin to when you have to go to the gym and you really, really don't want to - but 10x more intense.

Some days I wake up in a 'normal' mood and I am 'happy' to do anything - read, work, grocery shopping, talk with clients at work, clean the house, learn things.

However, when I wake up with an aversive mood which often lasts the entire day, I tend to dislike/feel disgust towards EVERYTHING - also for things that I'd normally like.

For example, I would feel aversion/disgust for the following. In fact, when I have those days there's usually not even a single thing that I'd truly enjoy doing:

1. Going to a coffee shop to work with my laptop (I feel aversion/disgust - It feel much harder to do it)
2. Cleaning my house
3. Even playing video games or watching movies
4. Talking with people
5. Taking showers - Skincare (I usually love skincare!)

I end up not wanting to do anything/everything feels much harder to do.

I'm trying to figure out why I feel like this and why I feel such a difference day by day. The activities themselves cannot be the problem because when I am in a normal mood I am very happy to engage with them - the same activities that I dread when I am in an aversive mood.

I'm a bit lost. I suppose the opposite of aversion is metta so I am going to try to practice it, but it is really, really hard when I feel like that.

Any ideas on how to deal with this?

Thank you 🙏