Your curiosity probably led you here because you’re looking for something different.

• You might be going through a stressful phase in your life and want to relax.
• You get anxiety and pretend to be on the phone when people on the street or shops ask you for donations.
• You want to be selfish for once and have a sesh where it starts and ends with you.
• You want a story so when Breadgang asks you to tell the camera something your mum doesn't know, you have something at the ready.
• You want someone who listens and takes the time to learn to what you like.
• You ordered something on Wish in 2019 and it still hasn't arrived.
• You simply just want some good old fashioned pillow princess goodness, have your kitty worshiped without the complications and upkeep required for a stable FWB.

It turns you on to think about laying down guilt-free and not concern yourself about tongue fatigue, the effort involved or time it takes to get you to your happy place.

But you’re probably wondering what kind of weirdo posts on here and the risks involved have probably kept you from doing this sooner. That’s a good thing!

I’m not here to convince you that “I haven’t done this kind of thing before”, or “Yeah nah I’m not a weirdo” because neither are true. But I’ll tell you a bit about myself so you can decide if it’s worth taking the next step.

About Me:

• There is a pic in my profile
• I’m an educated, sane, nice smelling, cheeky, Aussie, 6 foot tall, 30 year old with a zest for life.
• I’m told I’m conventionally attractive, athletic, have a nice smile, dress well and I’m called pretty or handsome more often than sexy or hot.
• I can read between the lines, but understands the concept of consent, boundaries and that these can change in the heat of the moment.
• I understand bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and I relish the opportunity to explore them all for the unique experience that they provide.
• Confident but not arrogant.
• No STI / STD with recent proof.
• I LOVE providing a safe environment to make you feel comfortable enough to share with me what gets you off.
• My kink is fulfilling fantasies and knowing that if I leave you with an experience that hits close to home then it might create a core memory which will be rolling around your mental wank bank for years to come.
• Didn't think writing a post would take this long.... EDIT: Didn't think formatting a post would be this difficult.
• Will send more pics once we chat.

About You:

• Don’t steal my kidneys.
• Be single or have a relationship that provides you the explicit freedom to explore... and me to explore.
• Communicate at least vaguely what you want (again, I’m cool with reading between the lines), but definitely confident when it comes to expressing what you don’t want.
• My preference is less hair down there, but it’s your body and you do you girl. I won’t be put off… if you won’t be put off by me plucking hairs off my tongue.
• Hygienic and STI / STD free.
• Be comfortable with eventually sending some form of verification and pictures (nudes not required) prior to meeting.

If we vibe and have a good time, then I’ll leave it up to you to reach out afterwards if you want anything beyond receiving enthusiastic head. I’m happy to wear something specific, or nothing at all if that’s your thing, but I want the focus to be on you. I want you to want the focus to be on you.

So how would this go down? That’s totally up to you! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some ideas rolling around my head, so here are a few but I’d enjoy it more if you either mould them to what you want or have some of your own.

Food For Thought:

• No pleasantries. I come in and we both know why I’m here. Through our conversations leading up to meeting, I have a general idea of what you like. You open the door, take a seat, let me take off your clothes and get to work. A tap on the forehead lets me know you’re good and I take my leave… only for you to find I left my fake eyelashes on your pillow case as a keepsake. I call it the Lady Gaga.
• The unwind. Having a stressful week? Is Stacey not pulling her weight at work again? Drama in your friendship group? Let me practice my active listening skills while I pour you a glass of wine, or make one of my signature cocktails. I’ll hand it to you, give you a shoulder massage while you get it all off your chest. You’ll nonchalantly take off your clothes and the atmosphere in the room will stay the same, but I’ll get the hint. I’ll start going down on you while you destress, only taking brief interludes to say “Oh my god, who sends a fucking email at 1am and a followup at 7am? Like you weren’t even at work yet!” Before getting back to it.
• The Workaholic / Binge Watcher. Time crunched and good at multitasking? Finish your work while I finish you under your desk, or chill out catching up on your fav show. If it happens to be Peaky Blinders past Season 2, Episode 3 then I hope your thighs have active noise canelling because I don’t want spoilers.
• Literally just sit on my face... please and thank you.

These are obviously a bit out there and off-centre which is by no means a requirement, but why not make the most of an already weird situation?

If this post is intriguing then go ahead, smash that li… I mean send me a message and we can work out the details.