So I finally made it to my third trimester!! Last month at my appointment we were made aware that my daughter is measuring on the small side, 7th percentile small. I have been having a really hard time controlling my blood sugars so they put me on glyburide and things have gotten a lot better. So a month ago they told me to eat more and that I'd have another ultrasound this month.

Well I had my ultrasound today, and now I am worried. She is still measuring small, she has grown but not enough to get to where she should be which is concerning considering with gestational diabetes normally babies end up on the large side. Her heart rate was 160 but even I knew that it sounded a bit off. It sounded very echo-y and silenced. My doctor said that they are waiting on new imaging machines and that they have been having a few issues but it seems like my little girl might have fluid around her heart. So now I'm waiting on a call from a high risk doctor located 40 minutes away to make an appointment. My doctor told me that she isn't too concerned but wants me to go just to be sure. I can't help but worry and feel sick to my stomach over this. Oh the upside my girl has been bouncing around like crazy all day long making sure I know she's there. And I have gained a whole 3 pounds over the past two months!!! So far I've lost 40 :(

Also I finally broke down and asked my doc for a referral to a psychiatrist. I've been trying to find an appointment on my own but everywhere has a wait list of 6-12 weeks or only has counsellors available in two months from now. I have a history of severe anxiety and bipolar with borderline personality disorder and a family history of schizophrenia. I have been on and off medication since my teens and the last time was during my last pregnancy. Lately my anxiety and paranoia has taken a huge toll on my relationship, not only with my fiancé but also with my oldest daughter, and her father and my family. I've been lucky enough that I can keep it together at work and it has become my happy place and I work with some incredibly supportive and amazing women! So hopefully I can get in to see someone soon because I really see how much it is tearing my life apart right now and I know I need help.

Today has just been all over the place for me emotionally and I just need to know that my little girl is going to be ok and that my life can be put back together before she comes.