Almost 5 months since we’ve been broken up, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I have finally had my own time and space to look at myself and do some difficult work that I had been avoidant of in the past. I know myself a lot better now, I see things more clearly now, and I understand clearly where I can be a better partner.

I still love her. Even more deeply now. I see so much more from her end. I’ve done my due diligence and reached out once to let her know I was feeling this way, and she told me she wasn’t ready. I want to respect her boundaries, and respect her space, I want her to have the opportunity to do the work she needs to do for herself.

It’s just hard. I see my future so clearly with her. But I’m reaching a point where I need to start making decisions for my life that take me in certain directions. And I can’t negate doing the best thing possible for myself based off a hope that is no longer there. Moving forward and committing to those choices would just make everything feel so permanent, and for now it still feels temporary.