She sent me a letter about wanting to try to work on things and get back together, but ultimately decided she wasn’t in a place to do that. I struggled with that for a few days and realized I can’t keep fighting for something by myself. It’s been complicated all around and I do trust this is both the best decision for herself and for me.

I’ve found a lot of peace, support in my friendships, and time to dedicate to my own endeavors. The only time I really think about her anymore is in the realization of how long I’ve gone without thinking about her. It feels wrong to heal in some ways, but I think I ultimately need to give myself the grace to keep moving forward.

More than anything I think I’ve realized that I no longer need her in the ways I once did, in ways that I may have been dependent on her and that I’m able to find my own solace. I’m honestly scared to find myself outgrowing her, seeing that I have enough work to do on my own to keep myself busy.

I’m scared to be outgrowing something, scared to know we might not ever fit together again. And working on being ok with that.