1.5 months since breaking up with my gf of 4.5 years, today is just one of those nights that keep reminding you of things.

You cannot open Spotify because every other song stings.You cannot open Netflix because you see the shows you watched together and suddenly you spiral.

Taking therapy every week, hitting the gym daily but still any random thing triggers a thought chain that'll ultimately result in me missing her.

One thing that I remind myself of is that she doesn't care. That it took her 2 seconds to block me from everywhere. It took her 2 days to get together with another guy.

I don't want her back, no! I want myself back, the lively guy who wasn't so heartless. The guy who cared about everyone around him. The guy who wasn't cold to emotions. I miss myself.

I am fighting, every minute, every day! And this is a fight I don't want to lose. She cannot destroy what I built for 20 years before meeting her! I'm trying, and I'll win.