Been 2 months since she left, the relationship of 3 years was marred by her mental health issues for the past 1.5 years which led to basically me giving her everything while her pulling back more and more over time, until few months ago. There were also elements of abuse and it culminated it a blindside back in June where she just left without saying a word. It was a blindside because it was preceded by many months of things seemingly were improving both for us and her mental health and her making plans for us to do things later even on that day merely hours before she was going to take her flight.

So today I ended up in a weird argument with a friend of mine who's temporarily staying with me over something inconsequential but the root of the argument was something that reminded me of how I ended up in that situation with her. I suppose the fact that when I hear him go around the apartment I still think it's her and it brings back several emotions from love, happiness to fear and anxiety.

After a bit of a heated argument I apologised to my friend and while telling him the reason for my behaviour suddenly, for the first time ever in my life, I myself just breaking down in tears and stuttered speech like never before even though we weren't even talking anything remotely about her. I did cry the day she left but this today, feels something completely different. I've never seen myself behave like that.

I am taking therapy to process the trauma, although my therapist is on leave this week, and I just wanted to share it. I hope I come out this strong and be the confident person I was starting to become before I met her.