i (34m) can admit things weren't perfect with my wife (32f) especially in the last forty-ish days.

The last year has been rough, I was diagnosed with heart failure back in November of last year but I had been suffering symptoms for a few months before hand. I left work at that time to focus on just getting healthy and luckily it has really worked, and I've been able to really mitigate a lot of the symptoms through lifestyle changes.

I gave up smoking, drinking, meat and dairy (for the most part) and she went along with some of these lifestyle changes and honestly dispite my new condition we were flourishing. We started going out and hiking every weekend, and both she and I were finding ourselves pursing new and healthy habits.

Obviously things weren't perfect or I wouldn't be on this page, and I did suffer from bouts of anger that were never directed at her, but they did affect her. I was angry about not being able to eat certain foods that I had enjoyed, or angry about how my body wouldn't always be able to do what I wanted it to. And instead of talking about all of our emotions and feelings I just buried them down except for when they came out, usually as silent bitterness (if that makes sense )

Anyway just about 40 days ago we had a fight about her thinking that I was only happy when we did what I wanted. And that she had to give up all control in the relationship in order for me to be happy. I tried to tell her that wasn't true, and that I wanted her to do what she wanted to and be happy.

Affection started to dry up after this, more little fights about how I didn't want her to grow or be better. And then affection completely came to a halt from her. She still let me hug her, but the hugs were more one sided and except for a few rare times she never initiated overt affectionate behavior.

When I asked what I had done, she refused to discuss it and left the room. I didn't push her then to talk about it, but I resolved to be someone who she would want to be affectionate with. I started meditating every morning, tried to be mindful and open to what she wanted.

And honestly I was starting to think it was working, more and more moments of what I thought were genuine affection were coming my way. She was still distant at times but I gave her what I thought she wanted space while trying to make it clear that I was always available.

Well anyway, we can cut to the last weekend. We spend the days together doing errands, and shopping for house plants (one of her new hobbies) and she even makes a special effort to have me pick out a plant of my own. We come home and plan out all the decorating changes we are going to make. Eat lunch and do a puzzle. And it really felt like we were on the verge of really being on the same page. I remember that she even came over and gave me a hug while I was cooking dinner, a long genuine hug.

Sunday was another good day together. And we went over to my parent's house for dinner. We had a good time, and when we got ready to leave my wife asked my mom about where she got some shelves and my mom gave them to my wife. My wife took those shelves under the pretense of decorating our apartment, with a smile.

Monday we set out to do some cleaning. And I thought it was a good day, she was happy and she kept wanting to dance with me, and seemed flirty and fun in a way that she hadn't been for a while. I took this as a good sign, and we moved boxes out from under the bed and she told me she was sorting to redocorate, yep turns out she was just sorting her stuff to leave.

The whole time she let me help her under the pretense that we were working together to get everything back into shipshape. Singing and having me dance with...

And then Tuesday morning as I am watching her water her plants while I sketch in my notebook her group of friends show up to move her out. I left the living space, I went to take a bath because I didn't want to stand there and watch them move her out. I messaged her to ask if she would come say goodbye before she left, but she didn't respond.

She left without a goodbye, she messaged me only to say that she will be back for the rest of her books and has otherwise not responded to the 4-5 messages I sent her.

She left our dogs and cats, and hasn't discussed anything about their care. It's been radio silence since Tuesday morning and I am just broken.

I don't understand why she felt the need to lead me on while she secretly planned on moving out. She could have kept up the cold demeanor or more importantly had a real conversation with me but neither one happened. Instead she let me feel like we were reconnecting all the while knowing she was leaving on Tuesday.