I’ve been debating back and forth whether I even wanted to post this, but I gotta get some of this out so here we are. My (35m) I guess, now ex (36f) split a little over a week ago and I was very blindsided by it. She is one of the absolutely most incredible humans I’ve ever met. She works her ass off with two very intense, but very fulfilling jobs and has done very well for herself. I, on the other hand am still recovering from a neurological disorder Covid left me with a year and a half later, which also severely damaged my professional life, cutting my income by more than 60% from 2019. Through all of this she stood behind me and has been the best support I could have ever asked for.

We had never intended for us to be anything close to what this became. She had zero desire to be involved in anything serious after multiple not ideal relationships in the past and I was a shell of myself, so casual was all either of us were after. I knew pretty quickly, though, I was fucked. I fell hard and fast, luckily she did as well. We both fought for this through some challenges, mainly my professional difficulties having her shoulder a vastly disproportionate portion of the financial burden and her own personal struggles (sort of vague, I know, but purposefully so. I don’t mind talking about my business but putting hers out there would not be cool).

We had been in a really solid place, with her being probably the most outwardly affectionate and positive she had ever been. Hell, the week of her bday she was getting me gifts and very meaningful ones at that. I had been saving to get her a really awesome present and we had a pretty solid set of summer trips/events planned to look forward to. But somewhere after her bday she had started to not feel as good about us as an entity for a couple weeks which I had no idea, leading into her breaking it off. I love her and I know she loves me, but something clicked in her head and here we are.

I’m crushed personally simply because over 35 years, many relationships, an engagement, I’ve never felt for someone like I do her. But in that, I had always said that i only wanted the best for her, support whatever she needed to do, whatever was needed for her to be happy. As much as it sucks for me, those words were not hollow. I sure would rather be a part of that, though I didn’t mean all those things only when it benefited me. She made it clear she doesn’t want to have me gone from her life and as difficult as it may be selfishly, I intend to be a positive in her life in whatever capacity that may be.

I’m aware this was a bit rambling but honestly, this post was more for me than some grand, eloquently worded piece of writing. Just a bit of cathartic words on a page I needed to get out. I hope to god she doesn’t stumble upon this ever, but if I’m not that lucky, thank you for everything you did for me. Know I could never articulate the amount I appreciate both that as well as the beautiful human you are.