Earlier this year, my ex seemed devastated when she suspected she was pregnant. It was days after I had arrived in Europe and she was convinced that she was. She was brooding, saying she couldn’t believe she was continuing to be irresponsible. Not to kick her business into the street, but along with an abortion we had gone through during our first relationship, she’s had many. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, so I say that completely clear of judgment.

She was pointing to her upset stomach as an indication. I said it was not medically possible to have morning sickness 2 days after being impregnated, which would have been the first time we had sex since December. We were a transatlantic relationship, her in Europe and I in the US. She was so insistent, terrified, crying.

I realize it now. Clear as day. She wasn’t sure if it was mine. She was cheating on me. So many lies came out while we were breaking up, that this one doesn’t surprise me. I was so naive. I am so easy to trick. I love that about myself and I will never change. I trust the people that I love.

I’m so lucky she broke up with me. We had already aborted another baby, and I’d hate to have been unsure if I was ending the term of one of my children or stand by while we did that to another man’s child.

There is no hate in my heart for her, but there is no forgiveness, either.