(I hope this is the right place to post this!)

Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn't, until I met you.

We met at a party in September. That intense eye contact we had, I never understood the metaphor describing how "sparks can fly across the room", but in that moment, every cheesy love song written made sense. I thought you felt it too.

We managed to talk during the party, and after that I got your details, and slid into your DMs.

I asked you out, and you eagerly said yes. We went out on a day in October and had fun. I hope you did. I guess people always say that if a guy is interested in you, he'll ask you out and make the first move, but I'm the kind of girl who isn't afraid to go after what she wants.

Then life got in the way. You were busy with your new startup, I was busy with submissions and final exams. I did try to text you though. We did text a little after we went out, but you did not even bother reading the subsequent texts I sent you back in November. It's fine, I knew you were busy.

It's now December. The message I eventually sent you on 23rd December got ignored as well, making me all confused during the holidays.

Today, on the 29th of December, I mustered up the courage to send another text, asking if we should meet up in January.

5 hours later, I finally got a response from you, saying how you didn't think it would be a good idea, and wishing me all the best for the year ahead.

I don't understand it. All my friends told me you were not worth my time but I didn't want to give up on this connection.

I spent the holidays wondering what I did wrong, did I come on too strong? I read tons of articles online, but none of them gave me the answers I wanted.

I read that guys can sense when a girl is into them and trying to pin them down. This explains why they end up ghosting.

But I swear, a relationship with you was the last thing I wanted. I see my peers getting into relationship, celebrating milestones, but I don't think it's what I want at this point of time because I'm not ready.

All I wanted to do was to explore this connection further because I've never felt anything like it before. These things don't happen everyday. I thought we could hang out more as friends, learn more about each other. Because as I said, even though I had really strong feelings for you, the last thing I wanted was to start a relationship when neither of us were ready.

Really, what did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Is it because you didn't like my behavior when I went out? Is it because I'm not pretty enough? I really don't understand.

Was I too stupid and naive not to see the signs? Were you just being nice?

I wanted to meet to talk about things. I thought we could share and talk about anything because conversation flowed non-stop that day, it felt like time stopped and we were the only two people in the world.

Was I the only one that felt it?

I just want to be there for you no matter what you are going through. Perhaps that's too much to ask.

What am I supposed to do now? Be grateful that at least you made things clear right before the new year?

Right before posting this, I saw an encouragement post on the front page, praising the fellow people from r/breakups for getting through day by day. But I don't even think I'll be able to get through 1 day. I just want to curl up and die.

I swear, I was the most practical person who never believed in love or "the one". People always talk about how the right one will appear, but I truly believed I was going to be single forever, and that all changed when I met you.

Why? How do I explain these feelings? Is there someway I could change?

[P.s. Thank you for reading through the end, I'm really confused and there so many thoughts running through my head right now that I can't really fathom]