Me and my significant other are taking some time to smooth things up it was not my decision but i understand, support and respect it because it was hers.

We have been together for a year and known each other for 4 and actually we are about to be a year and 1 month in a few days which honestly it got me thinking ever more so of all the "possibilities" that may unfold, yes i miss her and love her dearly and will like to reach out but we agreed to take this time until she is ready to be potentially together again.

I have been really stressed and frustrated with life, work, family etc you get the picture and honestly it was more because of my job which i decided to quit just recently i was on call everyday all day and it took a toll on me i was literally about to go crazy because of the exhaustion and almost had a mental break down, for example i would come back home sometimes at 2 am just to be back out at 6 am but this nor here nor there now but it did take a toll on the relationship as well.

I simply didn't have time for her much less for myself she always would tell me that she wanted to see me and i would most of the time decline because of my schedule she understood it was work but i couldn't help to notice her pain and loneliness when it come to be with me in all the spectrum. We both have other things to do of course but we missed each other so much that when our year anniversary came around we didn't get to do anything because of the previously stated, we had plan to go on a mini vacation for a few days which as well it didn't get to happen.

I in my ways to do things right and make it up to her took her out this one night but idk the vibes were simply not there or at least not like before but yes we was both drained with the chores of life and just wanted to have a good time since we hadn't in a few weeks following up to that day so with the air being kinda heavy that day we ended up going to the movies, eating to finally end the night at a dance club with in all honestly it was the best time in so long we felt so alive and in love that we just wanted for the night to never end.

She eventually asked me for us to leave so we could be intimate but sadly it didn't get to happen because on our way out this one guy who got kicked out of such club just a few min before we left he was wondering around near by and when we passed he stared at her like a piece of meat, i share MJ's ideology "im a lover not a fighter" but something in me just snapped and told him to fuck off i would usually just let it slide thankfully nothing happened between me and him so we just went on our way but she wasn't having it, she would say that what if it could have gotten worse and yes i totally understand that and gave her the reason but on our way to be together we started arguing about stuff which led to an outburst of a collection of words and feelings i had in me you could say that i took on her but it wasn't really towards her idk in my frustration of just wanting peace and to be with her i made things worse i said things i shouldn't have which led to the time we are now taking.

She told me that i genuinely scared her because i seemed like a totally different person when i spitted out all what i had said, 2 days when by with no contact until i reached out to mend things and try to explain myself so she could understand my version of the story which I told her to please understand me that i was upset of how things unfolded that night on top of all my frustration with work life etc and not being able to see her like we used to before i got the job that i just quit, in other words i told her that i needed and was seeking reassurance from her and to tell me that everything was gonna be okay but it was too late.

I really didn't mean to react the way i did but hey no ones perfect and in all honesty I know is not an excuse. She went on to mention that we should just take sometime to figure stuff out and be ourselves which it has gone well to say the least but in that time which is still on going we have missed so much of things we had planned on for example her sister and brother birthdays, memorial day weekend, and the trip away for our 1st anniversary.

One of my decisions when we had our last talk was that i was gonna quit work which i put my resignation pretty much the following day of the argument which i continued until my last day just a few days ago, we also agreed that she was gonna be the one to reach out eventually when she felt ready she was really hurt for what i did she didn't even wanted to kiss me or hug me or hold my hand that last time we saw each other, which i understand but she did tell me also that this wasn't a break up but man it kinda feels like it although i shouldn't think like that, we also agreed that i wasn't gonna look for her meaning that im not gonna try win her back you could say because i really want to give the space and time she asked for after my wrong doing.

Im really trying to be the better person here and keep my word i want to show her what i am really about i love her but its been hard the uncertainty is a bitch and not knowing was gonna happen kills me inside, cant stop thinking on the what ifs and that everything was seemingly okay before that night.

I get along with her family which i been trying to be a part of since the very start i have gone and taken out her dad, mom and siblings in different occasions and actually i still have the presents for their just passed birthdays here with me they are a pair a tickets for the greatest showman which i managed to get them since they are fans of months before their birthdays as a surprise, but as mentioned at the beginning our 1 yr 1 mo is coming in a few days and im simply not sure what to do because of all the circumstances surrounding this dilemma as well the actual date for the show that i got the tickets for.

It's gonna be soon a month since we last spoke and i honestly dont know what to do i mean i have many ideas of my mind and want to remain truthful but i cant help to overthink sometimes she hasn't reach out at all and really hope she is doing well which she prolly is more than me i hope, to set this in to perspective our 1 yr 1 mo will be in a few days, the month of silence comes shortly days after and the date for the show i got tickets for a week after that, i feel that is the time of now or never but im prolly in the wrong, can someone please enlighten me i really love her with my all and she knows it we been through so much i dont wanna lose her.

One of the last things i told her was that i wasn't gonna give up on her, i know she wishes me well but in all that is happening idk what to think anymore i want to believe that she cares and that we will be together again in the near future but i simply cant let by these important dates pass by like they mean nothing, im doing myself and feel much at peace now but i just wish to hold her hand and see her face again she's my everything.