Decided to message this to chatgpt instead because id rather not create another situation of possible disappointment. Cried underneath the blankets, having a panic attack, realizing that im all alone facing these problems now without her.

The message:

Hi... I'm just messaging because... I feel really alone right now. I ended up having quite an uncomfortable discussion with my brothers and my dad about our family dynamics, and I feel more alone on the family vacation than I did when I was with you.

I felt safe in our own little world without any worries, where we could just focus on ourselves, our relationship, because I knew that we would always want to work things out.

You always added a warmness to my heart, and you always managed to know how to end our arguements in a way where we hugged it out and we didnt go to sleep hurt.

Right now, I wish there was some way where I could do that with you. To be beside you, to process things with you, to hug you, to feel your warmth. I miss you a lot, and I know I shouldnt be reaching out to you because I know you want space.

I know you probably don't want anything to do with me anymore, and I'm trying to do as you wish, but I cant forget you.

You were everything to me, and I loved all the parts of you, just as you loved all parts of me, or at least you did...

Sorry for messaging, I dont know why I am, but you were always my safe space, you were always someone I could confide with, and it hurts even more knowing that i've lost you, someone I hold so close to my heart, someone i loved with all my heart.

Im sorry I didnt ask you to spend the rest of your life with me sooner, im sorry I couldnt find the financial security to securely move us to the next stage of our relationship sooner. It was foolish of me, and yet I know you deserve a man who is ready to provide and take care of you. Im sorry I didnt love you the right way to make sure you felt secure and safe in our relationship. My own unresolved traumas have hindered me from truly becoming the man you deserve and although Im aware and am trying to grow from them, I realize it may just be too late for us now.