Hi all. I am posting for advice on moving forward with a breakup that has been incredibly hard on me.

Background on the Relationship

We (24m and 23f) were together for nine months. It was the first long-term relationship for either of us. We had a connection from the start, with tons of chemistry, and our life goals and values aligned. We quickly fell in love. When I told her I loved her three months after we met, she responded, "I love you so much." From then on, we expressed our love for each other in countless ways until the sudden breakup three weeks ago.

The relationship was as good as it could have been until the end. Before the breakup, we had one conflict (back in August), which in hindsight, may have been a sign of what was to come. She became really upset because I did not want to hang out with her one night and because I did not text her back as quickly as she wanted. She thought I was mad at her, which made her feel insecure. She got angry at me and cried a lot and needed her friends to calm her down. At the time, we worked through it, but looking back, it might show that she cannot handle conflict in a healthy way.

The Weekend Before the Breakup

The weekend leading up to the breakup was a mix of highs and lows. We had one of our best dates ever—intimate and loving, where we professed our love multiple times.

The next day, I brought up a concern about her parents’ involvement in our relationship. She is emotionally and financially dependent on them, and they are extremely controlling (e.g., they insist on knowing her location at all times). That weekend, her parents interfered in two ways that directly impacted me:

1. They suggested we go shopping to buy me "nicer clothes" (I’m a student and thrift my clothes).
2. They told her she couldn’t visit my family over the holidays, even though she wanted to — but still expected me to visit her over the holidays.

I started the conversation over the phone after she had left. Unfortunately, I phrased it poorly, saying that if I traveled and she didn’t, it would be a "mismatch of effort." She interpreted this as a critique of her overall effort in the relationship, which upset her deeply. We ended the call without saying much else. Later that evening, she called back, saying she felt blindsided and had cried.

I clarified that I did not mean to criticize her effort in the relationship as a whole, then I turned it into a conversation about her parents. I tried to express my concerns gently, saying their involvement might "cause problems long-term." Notably, she agreed, even though she was still emotional. She said her parents' involvement was not okay, and she ended the call by saying she would tell her parents, "We are in a two-person relationship."

The Breakup

The next day, I missed an early call from her and text saying she was not feeling okay. I replied throughout the day but didn’t call her because she had a full schedule (work and a night class). She did not ask to talk on the phone again. The next day, we texted normally until the afternoon when I asked if everything was okay. She did not respond until late the next day, when she asked to call and then broke up with me over a 20-minute video call.

She said she had done "a lot of reflecting over the past couple of days" and felt we were not going to work out long term. She pointed to communication issues, specifically my comments that weekend. She didn’t like how I talked about her parents and felt I should have addressed my concerns earlier. She was also upset that I didn’t call her back on Monday, saying, "The problem is I always have to ask for you to call."

I was in shock and did not know how to respond. I was frustrated and confused and expressed both, but I did not lose my cool. I tried to tell her that we could take a break and talk more, but she said her mind was made up. I ended the call by telling her how much I loved her.

Post Breakup

Over the next three days, I wrote and sent her a letter. While I did express my confusion and hurt, I wrote it from a place of love and kindness, and emphasized how deep my love is for her. I also apologized for what I said about her effort and pointed out how I was confused by her agreeing with me about my comments on her parents.

I ended the letter by saying I wanted to give the relationship another shot. I said we could "take a break, clear our heads, and see how we feel after the holidays." I also asked for another conversation, even if she had fully made up her mind, just so I could have more closure. I ended the letter by telling her it would be my last time I contacting her, but that she is welcome to contact me. I also texted her letting her know that I sent her a letter. She has not once texted or called since the breakup call.

I have taken the breakup incredibly hard. I thought I was going to marry her. The suddenness of it all has left me feeling confused and frustrated, particularly because of how well things were going before the breakup.

I believe the breakup can be explained by her inability to handle conflicts and probably some involvement from her parents. I cannot shake the feeling that she told her parents about our conversation about them, and they either suggested to her or outright told her to breakup with me. But even if they did, it's hard to imagine she would have gone along with them so quickly if she wasn't really upset with me.

My Question

After a long post, my question is this: Should I reach out again? Either to her or one of her friends. I am not close with her friends, but I met a few of them, and they seemed to like me. My brain says it would be a bad idea, but my heart says this was true love and I should fight harder to save it.

Any thoughts are welcome <3