Long story short, my ex fiancé and partner of 8 years left me in September. I was stupid a year and a half ago and chatted with people on Reddit to get off a bunch, she caught me and we went to couples therapy. I proposed an open relationship and she was devastated. I didn’t know any other way to experience what I wanted and we kind of got stuck on how to move forward. We spent the whole year rebuilding our relationship, it felt really good and I was able to focus on just her and I. We eventually worked up to opening the relationship this summer and while exciting, it didn’t go as I planned. She had no interest in seeing me with other women so we did things separately. She ended up leaving me for one of the guys she really clicked with, she felt better around him and he was more romantic with her than I was.

Now I’m sitting in our house alone each day and the constant guilt and shame I feel are eating me alive. I wish I could go back and do so many things differently. No matter what I told her on her way out, she didn’t believe I was able to change anything about myself. It hurts so fucking bad, I’ve lost my best friend forever. My life here revolved around her, my family are all out of state. I feel so isolated some days and have no idea how to cope with it. I want nothing more than to have her back, for our life to be what it used to be, but I know it’s too late.