I (24nb) had been with my now ex (30M) for 6 years come November.

Our relationship had its ups and downs honestly. He had medical issues that made my sexual and physical needs not be met. We mostly hugged, and caressed eachother. I initiated that always. Of course, I have issues too. I get frustrated easily and tend to yell, which I'd been working on and have improved.

I was the provider while he took care of our cat/place. I planned the dates. I carried more of the mental load. This isn't to say he didn't contribute to the relationship. He'd constantly buy me little treats, or give me massages, or bring me food to bed. Things like that. Overall, I did feel loved, just not heard.

Personality wise, he's great. I genuinely love him as a person. Honest to a point he cannot lie. Kind. Funny. Sweet. Silly. And so caring of me. Hell, the day we ended things he'd brought me lunch to work.

He ended things last Sunday. To say my world fell apart was an understatement. He's my first love. My first everything. I met him when I was 18, lost my virginity a few months into dating, got kicked out by my Christian parents for it. Took my first trip to Jersey with him. Got my first cat with him. Had my first icecream cake with him. It sounds so silly, but there were so many things I experienced because of and thanks to him.

For 7 years he's been my best friend. My pillar. I'd pushed forward through life trying to get a better life for us. I got two jobs this summer just so we could get a car.

I noticed he started to pull away then. Back in May. I thought nothing of it. I mean, I'd be gone most of the day, home for a few hours before bed. I'd ask, he wouldn't watch shows or play videogames. Always having an excuse. I asked to go to counceling and he said no. But I really thought nothing. There was no cheating. I'm 1000% sure of this.

Tuesday we talked. He said he was holding me back. I said he wasn't. He doubled down. Then, it's when my heart really broke. He said he loves me like family. So I responded. "But not as a partner?" He just said my name in a sad tone. I cried for hours that day. Never in my life had I cried that hard.

I'm not going to beg. As much as I love him, I've always been a one chance type of person. Friends, family, even jobs. One chance. I do tend to hold grudges, so I know it wouldn't be fair to get back together in the future if that's an option. It's a prominent trait of mine. I don't want to hurt him.

The thing is, everything reminds me of him. I've been staying with friends for a week now, but eventually, i have to go back. I have to live in the same room as him, pretending he didn't break my heart.

I need any advice please. Anything. It's soul crushing to be hurt by someone I love so much.

Tl:Dr: 6 year relationship went down the drain. Lost my first love and best friend. Have to live together for a while. Help.