After a painful (for me) breakup about month ago, I've realized something and want to share this with as many people as I can. She was the dumper, she jumped to her next relationship, she blocked me everywhere and even though she said good things about our relationship and me, she vanished leaving me like I'm dead. The last month of our relationship was a bumpy ride with me feeling unsafe and insecure, because of her sudden change of behaviour, and jealous of a new male friend (her current boyfriend) she chose to make out of the blue, in the same day he told her he was interested in her romantically... I expressed my frustration, my insecurities, my jealousy to her. I told her everything I was feeling and was 100% honest with her. I didn't sweep anything under my rug. After 18 days of arguments and conversations about this, she made me think it was resolved and in just 2 more days she dumped me over a text because as she said she "thought of someone else romantically". Long story short she kissed the guy on the same night she dumped me and 2 days later she had sex with him. A relationship of 2 years vanished for her in less than a month.

She kept asking me if the thought that, her behaviour and actions were caused by how I've been in the last month, had crossed my mind. I don't know why she insisted so much in that question. I've told her that behaviours similar to mine existed in our relationship in the past and most of the times by her. She was extremely jealous of things, she was always insecure out of the blue because she would think she wasn't enough etc etc. and I never even THOUGHT of anyone else. I stood next to her, tried to comfort her and showered her with my love no matter how unreasonable her thoughts might seem, because my feelings never changed, I loved her and thought she was the one. Instead, when I behaved like she had in the past, all she did was call me unreasonable and pressuring and pushy and eventually leave me for another man.

In the last month I've thought and replayed our relationship in my mind, endlessly. I have asked myself "why did I do this?" or "why was I like that?" on many occasions and never had my answer until now. I let her set the rules for our relationship, rules about communication, friends, strangers about everything and they were the same rules SHE BROKE in the end. I've come upon an expression I didn't know til now it's "Rules for thee but not for me" and it was EXACTLY like that. She texted me every 10 minutes when I was out with my friends and if I wouldn't respond in 5-10 minutes she would text again and again complaining about how she was worried and how it doesn't take more than 10 seconds for me to grab my phone and let her know I'm okay. When she befriended that boy though (her current bf) she would go out with a group he was also in and she would vanish for 10, 12 and even 18 hours. I would text and get an answer after 3-4 hours telling me she loses focus and can't look at the phone and I'm exaggerating and I shouldn't be worried because after all she's out with friends.

I don't want to keep rambling on about her so I'll stop here and say this. DON'T LET PEOPLE SET THEIR OWN PERSONAL RULES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Both sides should talk and agree on mutual rules and boundaries and most importantly IF YOUR LOVED ONE BREAKS SELF-APPLIED RULES you should immediately, IMMEDIATELY talk about it. Don't let it go, don't think of it lightly. If you let yourself be "molded" by someone else's rules you're bound to feel even more hurt and fucked up when they themselves break those rules.